Repondez S'il Vous Plait

There is a formal way to respond to a wedding invitation that includes a blank card to use for your response.  Use this guide or throw formality to the side and response with your well wishes.  Just be sure to let them know if you'll be attending the wedding.

Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Jones
accept with pleasure
your kind invitation
for Saturday, the fourth of May

or

Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Jones
regret that they are unable to accept
your kind invitation
for Saturday, the fourth of May

That's Why I...

Bluefly.  Did you know Blufly.com has a new Wedding section - with a sole purpose to help you get dressed up as a bridal party member or a wedding guest?

 

You know Blufly.com - they're the folks that have the accessory wall on Project Runway.

Your Wedding on the Web

A wedding website is really the best way to communicate timely, updated, and accurate information to your wedding guests.  It is also a terrific way to give information that can be difficult to include in your invitations - recommended dress, transportation, additional activities, and registry details.

You can update your website with directions, pick-up times, and travel information after your Save the Dates are sent, but before your formal wedding invitations are sent out.

Just be sure to include the site address on your Save the Date cards!

Here are some sites we recommend:

www.EWedding.com 

www.WeddingWire.com 

www.WeddingWindow.com 

Happy site building!

Be The Guest You Can Be

TheKnot.com recently wrote an article about being a great wedding guest.  Since we're well into wedding season, we thought you might appreciate the tips.

So follow these 5 great rules, have a glass of champagne, and get on the dance floor!

"You may think you're a wedding etiquette pro, but here are five commonly held beliefs that are really more fiction than fact.

Myth #1: You can't wear black.

Good news: Your favorite little black dress is appropriate for a wedding. Many people pick their outfit with the misconception that anything black would exude gloom (rather than glee), but don't worry -- no one will think your dark attire is better suited for a funeral than a wedding. Though black might not be the best choice for a mid-afternoon ceremony in the spring, black is perfectly fine for any evening wedding.

Myth #2: The bride is your point person for all wedding-related questions.

Don't assume that the to-be-weds should be your first stop with all your questions simply because it's their wedding. Not sure where they're registered? Wondering about transportation? Need to know if there will be a babysitter at the reception? Don't pick up the phone and immediately call the bride or groom -- chances are, they've got enough wedding stress of their own. First try the bridesmaids and groomsmen, or the couple's parents. Find out if the couple has a wedding website (look on the invitation), which could very well have all the information you need. If you still have no luck, it's okay to contact the couple -- just make sure you've tried other avenues first.

Myth #3: Shopping from the registry is impersonal

It can be tempting to buy a couple a wedding present that's not on their registry. Something that shows how well you know them (and how great a gift giver you are) is way more creative than selecting a present off a list, right? Not really. Most couples prefer gifts from their registry -- that's why they registered in the first place. For a personal touch, pick an item that has some significance for you and the couple (like buying them stemware to replace the glass you broke at their last dinner party), and include a letter that lets them know you put some thought into their wedding gift and got them something they really wanted.

Myth #4: An invitation means you can bring a date

Unless your wedding invitation includes a phrase like "and guest," don't assume you're free to bring a date. Couples are often working within certain restrictions (be it space or budget), and expanding their guest list might not be an option. In one poll of Knot brides, nearly half said that at least one guest had responded for someone who wasn't invited.

Myth #5: The couple is responsible for your accommodations

No matter how far you've traveled to attend a wedding, the couple isn't required to pay for your hotel -- or even let you crash on their couch. Many couples will reserve blocks of hotel rooms to get a good rate for their out-of-town guests, but don't expect them to foot the bill. If you're not sure where to stay, ask a member of the bridal party for recommendations."

-Miles Stiverson

It All Adds Up

US News and World Report published an article earlier this week about the rising costs of attending and participating in a wedding.

"Complaining about the high cost of weddings used to be the father of the bride's job. Now, as nuptials have been transformed from simple family affairs to weekend-long marathons, the invited guests are increasingly feeling pressure to strain their own bank accounts.

Destination weddings, where couples commit to each other far from home, have grown fourfold over the past decade and now make up 16 percent of weddings, according to Condé Nast's Brides.com. The cost of gifts has also ballooned as weddings have become more elaborate and guests feel compelled to spend as extravagantly as their hosts.

But the heftiest burden of all falls on bridesmaids. They play a role that, for all the honor of its implied intimacy to the bride, comes with a price to match. Bridesmaids are often expected to buy a dress, matching shoes, and jewelry, not to mention professionally applied makeup and nail polish on the day itself. And well in advance of the "I do's," they usually serve as host for a bridal shower, bachelorette party, or both. TheKnot.com estimates that, excluding travel, the average cost for each bridesmaid adds up to around $700.

Part of the reason for the growing pressure on wedding guests is that when couples and their families spend thousands to make a day perfect, they want to make sure everyone else is in tip-top shape, as well. "Your bridesmaids are like your backup dancers," says Rebecca Mead, author of One Perfect Day. Adds Katherine Jellison, author of It's Our Day and a professor of history at Ohio University: "It's all part of a larger phenomenon that we have convinced ourselves of—that if we don't spend a lot of money on something, it's meaningless."

To save their own budgets, wedding guests—and participants—may need to scale down their efforts. That may mean declining invitations from anyone other than best friends or relatives. Guests often put pres-sure on themselves to buy the Waterford crystal set or china pattern on the couple's registry, when the bride and groom are expecting their friends to choose the $40 set of martini glasses. They may also need to assign themselves new roles. "If you feel you can't afford to be in the bridal party, be upfront about it right away," suggestsWeddingChannel.com senior editor Christa Vagnozzi.

As for the bride and groom, they can often organize group discounts for hotel rooms and local activities and even hire a stylist for a few hours so each member of the bridal party doesn't need to pay for her own hair and nails, says Michelle Preli, editor-in-chief of Brides.com.

Perhaps one of the biggest favors a bride can do for her attendants is to be realistic. Telling guests that a destination wedding is affordable because it doubles as their annual vacation has become the new bridal fib, replacing the one about bridesmaids being able to rewear their dresses, as Katherine Heigl's character is repeatedly told in the movie 27 Dresses.

So why don't bridesmaids unite and cast off their (matching) chains? "They submit," Mead says, "because they're happy for their friend. And statistically, bridesmaids are going to be brides themselves in a few years," and they'll want the favor returned."

-Kimberly Palmer

image from 27 Dresses

Questions: Answered.

Peggy Post answers etiquette questions for InStyleWeddings.com.  We stumbled across this question and answer, which our brides often ask.

"Q.  It's three weeks before the wedding and several guests still haven't RSVP'd! What should we do?

 A. The first obligation anyone has upon receiving a wedding invitation is to respond immediately, regardless of whether he or she can attend. At this late date you really have no choice but to telephone the would-be guests and ask whether they plan on coming.(Your fiancé, mother, future mother-in-law and some of your attendants can help you make the calls.) To ease the awkward nature of these conversations, be friendly and say something like, "Aunt Jenny, it's Sara. I hope you received our wedding invitation. We need to give our final numbers to the caterer this week, and I haven't received your response card, so I'm calling to ask if you and Uncle John plan on coming. We hope you're able to join us!" Just state your case matter-of-factly without laying blame. (Occasionally invitations and response cards are lost in the mail.) Whatever led to the lapse, your gracious manner will set a positive tone for the wedding."

Thanks Peggy!

Be The Best You Can Be

Here are our tips on how to be the very best wedding guest you can be.

1.  Respond early to all wedding related invitations.  Of course, you want to respond well before the due date for the wedding invitations, but also for showers, rehearsal dinners, and other activities.  We find that the "no" rsvp's tend to come in near the end.  If you already know you can't make it, don't wait to send in your little pre-stamped card.

2.  Send your gift.  The newlyweds will be thrilled that you chose to shop off their registry or purchase something extra special as a wedding gift.  Make their lives easier by sending your gift to their home (or their chosen gift destination) before the wedding.  Bringing a gift (unless it's tucked into an envelope) is not only a hassle for you, but can be tricky for the bride and groom to transport from the wedding location to their home.  If you wish to send it after the wedding day, then wait two weeks to pop it in the mail.  This will ensure that they're home from their honeymoon and have had time to unpack.

3.  Use all of the information you're given in Save the Dates, the Invitation, and through the Wedding Website.  The couple has spent a lot of time gathering information to make your trip to their wedding as easy for you as possible.  Book early at their chosen hotel and pay attention to notes about attire suggestions.  They have, likely, chosen that hotel with great care and their attire suggestions will make you as comfortable as possible on wedding day.

4.  Still have questions?  Try asking the parents or a member of the wedding party.  The bride and groom are going to be very busy the month before the wedding and their friends and family might have the perfect answer to your question.

And remember to kick up your heels and enjoy yourself at the wedding!

Meal Planning and Table Service

While shopping at an antiques store recently, I saw a book titled Meal Planning and Table Service. I have a small collection of older books on the subject of entertaining so I picked it up and discovered that the book's author is Beth Bailey! It was written in 1923 while she was a professor at Iowa State College. Since the author and I share the same name, of course I had to purchase the book.

I love the advice and guidance she gives throughout the book and marvel at the timelessness of the words. Here are some of my favorites lines from the chapter regarding the etiquette of being a guest:

* Having accepted an invitation, one assumes certain obligations. The first is punctuality. One should arrive 5-10 minutes before the luncheon or dinner. It is equally bad to arrive too early or too late.

* It is the duty of every guest to enter into the spirit of the occasion and do his best to make the party a success. If one is feeling out-of-sorts, it is far better to phone regrets rather than cast a shadow over the whole gathering by one's spirit of gloom.

* Never notice any irregularity in the working of a household. An outsider can seldom help in settling a family affair.

* Stand behind the chair until the hostess sits. Sit down from the left side of the chair. Do not move the chair unless it is necessary.

* Never put your finger in your mouth at the table nor pick your teeth. Do not touch or arrange your hair. Do not stir your food all together before beginning to eat. Your plate must never look unsightly.

* Watch not the table manners of others, lest in doing so you neglect your own.

* If a hostess has prepared the meal, it is gratifying to her to have a guest mention the excellence of a certain dish. Otherwise, it is not considered good form to discuss the merits of the food one is eating.

* At the close of a meal, a guest stays but half an hour unless asked to spend the evening. It is customary for all guests to leave when the first one leaves.

Since I witness the manners of hundreds of guests every weekend, these "rules" were a great read. The bad behavior of guests we see is mind boggling at times so here's to educating the masses on proper manners.

I'll post about the "rules" for a hostess soon. I found them equally entertaining!

Hospitality Bags: Welcome your Guests without going Crazy

Hotel Hospitality Bags are a popular way to welcome your out of town guests, fill them in on all of the happenings for the weekend, and share some your favorite local treats.

What goes in?
We love Baltimore-themed bags - chock full of Charm City treats.
Berger Cookies, Goetze Caramels, and Utz Chips are favorites - and you can't forget the Clipper City Beer!
We dress them all up by repackaging them into cellophane bags with coordinating ribbon.

The bags can tie in to your wedding color scheme and can even be personalized with your names or a special note. We add colored tissue paper to give it some pop.

The Hospitality Bag is the perfect place for a note from the bride and groom, information about local attractions, the weekend schedule, and directions to all of the festivities.

Finish them off with a name tag and you are ready to welcome your wedding guests!

We prefer to have a table set up at the hotel to personally give out the bags. Area hotels are always very welcoming and the wedding guests love the personal greeting.

Top Secret ESB Weddings Tip:
If you are doing your own Hospitality Bags - start early!! We always put together a sample bag with all of the goodies so we can see the best way to combine everything into the gift bag.

The Team at Elizabeth Bailey Weddings are happy to take on this wedding chore - there are plenty of other things to keep you busy that week, so let us take one thing off your plate!

Email Christina to set up a design appointment. Please allow four weeks for design and assembly.