A Perfect Toast

In our years of wedding planning, we've seen the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly. Surprisingly enough, a lot of that comes in the form of the toasts given to the bride and groom. Instead of doing the bride and groom and yourself a disservice, let us give some pointers to help guide you along.

1. The term "short and sweet" exists for a reason. People have the attention span of a gnat. There's no such thing as a bad 10 second toast and there's no such thing as a good 10 minute toast. No one in the history of people speaking, has ever muttered "I wish that speech had been longer."
   
2. We mean it - that toast better be so sweet our teeth hurt. This isn't Comedy Central doing a roast, it's a wedding. Tasteless humor will not be met with thunderous applause. Aunt Cindy doesn't want to hear about your crazy shenanigans so whatever happened "that crazy night" needs not be spoken of. Keep grandma and grandpas' vision of their little angels intact.
   
3. Trial run (and error)/practice makes perfect. Give this speech a try on actual human beings. Your reflection in your bathroom mirror won't tell you that you aren't as hilarious as you think you are but your friends will, that's why we love them - for their honesty.
   
4. Mean it. Every word of your speech should be sincere, heartfelt and specific. Don't just tell the bride she's "totally awesome" - that's a given. Tell her she's a role model, you admire her and she's been an inspiration. You were hand-picked by the bride and/or groom, they're counting on you to say something original and loving.
   
5. Alcoholic beverages help us lighten up, everyone knows that. But you see that champagne glass in your hand? Yes, the one you're pointing at the guests of honor. That glass doesn't have to be the first one you've held that night but it better not be your seventh.

We know it's easier said that done but you can do it. We believe in you.